Blogging is tough.
I am new to blogging, and my goal was to blog 2-3 times a week. But when you are writing really structured, photo-heavy blogs (travel guides, fashion analysis, etc), it is time consuming and hard to keep up. So, I took a bit of a breather.
But I’m back!
I wanted to write a blog about what’s running through my head lately. Probably my biggest current point of interest has to do with Red Pill Theory.
Oh my God, did she just say that?!
It feels like I have to give a disclaimer. Generally, Red Pill is unpopular, especially with women. The ESSENTIAL THING TO KNOW is that Red Pill Women is a bit of a different beast from The Red Pill. I don’t think there’s enough awareness of that.
So what are Red Pill Women?
I’m really new to the whole thing. I’m hovering around the Red Pill Women reddit. I’m reading The Surrendered Wife, which – to be honest – contains good relationship advice. It explores the truth that everyone is prone to fear, and out of that fear, they try to control. These insecurities and attempts at control are evident in our romantic relationships. We find ourselves doing things that we define as “helping,” when really, we are controlling, insulting, and making our partner helpless – the person we most want to be independent, strong, and respected. The book’s basic advice could be summed up as: Back off. Let the person you love be themselves. Believe in them, and they will rise to meet your expectations.
I’ve always been fascinated with social movements, relationships, and psychology. Whether it’s reading about differences in culture from country to country, or just analysis of subcultures by place or time period. And Red Pill Women are a fascinating and relevant subculture of their own.
Some people are familiar with The Red Pill, which is the male-centric sphere that discusses and analyses how our brains are wired: men for status (often) through sex, women for status (often) through commitment. Some men use this theory to sort of “trick” women into sex (eww). It digs into what it means to be an Alpha / Beta male, and examines – in a brutally honest way – what are considered “unfavorable” female traits. Sometimes, it can get pretty nasty to women, which I am not cool with.
I’m a strong believer that cultural thought swings like a pendulum. Whereas the answer is always somewhere in the middle of the extremes, culture can’t seem to find those middle grounds. So when things are too far in one direction, culture over-corrects it by going too far the other way. I think that’s why extremists exist.
But the answer lies in the balance.
Red Pill Women, from what I can tell, is a group of supportive ladies all along the spectrum of traditionalism who have taken Red Pill theory and made it their own. They acknowledge the apparent truths that seem hard-wired into our current culture; for example, the reality of physical attraction, or the fact that it’s more socially acceptable for men to be promiscuous. They don’t debate issues of fairness (which certainly do exist) when it comes to these things: they are realists.
Life simply isn’t fair.
So they look at the cards we have been dealt, and they figure out how to play them best to achieve their goal – which is usually a loving and respectful long-term relationship.
It’s an interesting approach, and it fascinates me. However you want to look at it, kick or scream or insist that it “shouldn’t” be a certain way: things are what they are.
My family subscribed to traditional relationship roles, and this doesn’t leave such a bad taste in my mouth. I fought it for a long time, but I’ve been able to come to terms with it, and adapt it to my own life and relationship. Truthfully, I’m fascinated with French culture. A classic French saying is “vive la différence,” which celebrates how different men and women inherently are. That hits home for me. Equality, to me, doesn’t mean sameness. Two halves of a whole can be totally unique and opposite, and still be equally vital parts of the whole.
So, how am I applying what I’m learning into my life and my relationship?
For me, all this translates more easily into having a concept of an ideal RPW – and aspiring to be a bit more like her. From my perspective, who is she?
Here are three of her essential traits:
1. She is put-together.
I grew up with a mother and a grandmother who wouldn’t leave the house without being fully made-up. It might be slightly old-fashioned, and yes – we are southern, so it’s all about appearances – but I think it instilled a certain level of self-care in me. I don’t necessarily wear a lot of makeup, and I don’t think everyone needs to. But makeup or not, there’s a lot to say for not being slovenly.
I imagine the RPW as polished, elegant, and composed, even when she’s just rolled out of bed. This isn’t about looks – it’s about always having yourself in check: presenting yourself the way you want to be perceived. It means having your brain-to-mouth filter on, as much as it means having your hair in order.
2. She is practical.
I see the RPW as a logical and realistic person. She thinks of her own welfare, not letting herself be ruled by emotion – when emotion would lead to her harm (like it or not). She has mature and sophisticated views on the world, and doesn’t expend too much energy struggling against certain realities of life (aging, laws of attraction, etc). She is not a whiner and does not get easily rattled or upset. She is a firm believer in making lemonade from lemons, and she deeply understands that life isn’t “fair.” She is not entitled and she believes in fighting for what you know you deserve. This keeps her well away from dramas and over-sensitivity, and in tune with looking out for her own well-being.
3. She is passionate and sensual.
I think that words like passionate and sensual are too often confused with words like “flirty.” The RPW is not an indiscriminate flirt. She is more of a panther than a gazelle.
I don’t picture the RPW as prey, but predator. She understands that love in the early stages is a hunt, and she is selective and direct in her technique. She is absolutely sure of the type of person she wants to be with, and she is completely disinterested in lowering her standards. When she does find the right person, she knows how to hit the right notes for them – a balance of smouldering and vulnerable. She knows how to make her partner feel strong and needed – without making them feel smothered and overburdened. This is a woman who seems capable of orchestrating an international espionage ring – but who might still ask her partner to take care of the spider in the shower because eeeeek! It is less about needing, and more about being willing to show your softer side to the right person.
To sum her up, she will worship (and take over the world with) the right person: but she is no one’s fool… And she does it all in red lipstick.
I find these ideas particularly helpful when messy feelings start to influence me in ways I don’t want them to. The RPW doesn’t get particularly insecure. Even though she loves passionately, she’s okay when she’s on her own. She maintains her own interests. She isn’t needy. She accepts what is with the calmness of a Buddhist – but still handles it ruthlessly. She is not a victim, she is not a damsel in distress, she is not a trainwreck. She puts on her high heels – figuratively or literally – and deals with it.
She isn’t the picture of what I would call typical femininity – which, to me, is sometimes a bit overly soft, a bit overly weak, a bit overly inviting and needy. Aka, the “Princess.”
But she’s also far from the female character we’ve come to expect in so many movies and tv shows: sloppily rebelling, usually drunk, unlucky in love, jaded and giving up hope, angry and lazy.
She’s a different animal altogether: a femme fatale with a sharp mind, a big heart, and heaps of self-respect. She knows you can be brainy and sexy, a realist and a romantic.
And while there’s room for every kind of variation and woman in the world, I personally aspire to incorporate some of this into myself.
So I hope that was informative, even though I am really new to all this! Hopefully, I’ve at least shed some light on what RPW is about. Give me your thoughts in the comments!